


All In the Family

by keelywolfe



Category: LazyTown
Genre: Family is terrible, Fluff and Humor, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-10-23 22:05:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10728189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keelywolfe/pseuds/keelywolfe
Summary: Blood is thicker than water but it is harder to clean uporRobbie's cousin stops into hidefor a visit. It's super.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Robbie's family tree doesn't have any apples but it is full of nuts...

* * *

Robbie hadn't grown up in Lazytown. 

Truth be told, he hadn't specifically grown up anywhere. His mother hadn't been content to remain in one place for very long and anyway, her very nature meant that they couldn't stay in one place for very long. Fae weren't usually very welcome once they'd made enough of a nuisance of themselves and while Robbie had learned restraint over the years, asking his mother, a full-blooded Fae to change, well, he might as well try to change the position of the North Star. Both would be equally likely and both would probably wreck the world as we know it.

Once Robbie had been old enough he'd struck out on his own and he'd never looked back. He hadn't seen her in years. The occasional letter came whenever she remembered and that was enough to reassure Robbie that she was still alive. It was fine, really; she'd never known quite what to do with her strange, half-human son and while her love for him had been apparent, well, she was Fae. Her attention wandered, her humor bordered on cruel, and familial bonds weren't all that strong amongst her people unless they wanted something. 

The case in point was currently sprawled lazily across Robbie's orange chair and Robbie was pointedly ignoring him, working on his latest project. There was no telling when a safari costume would come in handy and since he preferred a more Indiana Jones approach, there was a lot of detail work. 

His cousin either didn't notice or didn't care, maybe a combination of both. His mother might have made herself absent since Robbie had gotten old enough to be sick of apologizing for her and fled, but Glanni seemed to relish being an annoyance to humans and family alike, particularly Robbie. Maybe it was because the two of them were close in age or maybe Robbie's peculiar humanity brought out Glanni's mischievous side. Whatever the reason, Robbie's only hope was that perhaps if he ignored Glanni long enough, he'd get bored and poof off to harass some other distant relative. 

Maybe. 

It could happen. 

The longer he lingered, though, the smaller the chance and he'd been here since abruptly appearing this morning, all false-innocent eyes and pleas for a place to stay. Making Robbie spill his morning coffee hadn't endeared him and neither had making him shriek like a banshee. Not that Robbie could really kick him out, his gleans of magic were nothing like what Glanni could manage if he were in a snit. He _could_ make Glanni's stay very unpleasant, though; being half-Fae gave Robbie a unique physiology and things like iron and rowan were barely bothersome. Robbie was resisting the urge so far, tempting as it was, to spike Glanni's coffee. In the end, he was family, and thin though the familial bonds were, they were there. 

Thin bonds. Cobwebs, really, and Robbie ground his teeth as Glanni sighed again, loudly. Glanni pointed one toe of his boots and mused down at the shine in the leather. He frowned and licked a finger to rub at a scuff mark, before rolling over again in a huff. 

"Come on, little cousin, you aren't still annoyed about what happened in Mayhemtown," Glanni sighed. "It was all a misunderstanding."

Robbie did not look up from his sewing but he felt his lips tighten. As a matter of fact, he was more than annoyed about that little mishap. Ending up in jail just because he happened to be the spitting image of his less-than-inhibited cousin was more than a _misunderstanding_ , thank you very much.

"Besides, I helped you get out, didn't I?" Glanni propped his chin on one hand, "Came back and risked capture myself to prove they had the wrong guy, didn't I?"

Yes, he had. A month later. 

"Robbieeeeeeee," Glanni whined, "this is boring. Are you going to speak to me at all?"

"Speaking to you encourages you to stay," Robbie said shortly. He dug through his kit for his hand riveter and a handful of brass rivets, not even bothering to measure the space between holes. Maybe he couldn't pop in and out of places at will, but his trace of magic did come in handy from time to time. 

"You don't need to encourage me to stay, I _want_ to stay, that's why I'm here in the first place," Glanni slid to his feet, all sleek grace and tottering heels, slinking over to the eyepiece of Robbie's periscope and peering through it. "Why are you staying in this little hamlet anyway…hello, what do we have here…my, my, my, look at the muscles on that one."

Robbie jerked and almost knocked his tray of tools to the floor. "Stop that!"

"Please, tell me you have that one on a leash?" Glanni's grin was nearly obscene and Robbie did not have to ask who Glanni had his eye on.

"Glanni—" Robbie gritted out.

He clucked his tongue in dismay, "Little cousin, where did I go wrong with you that you're missing out on the finer things in life? And that is definitely one of the finer things." He made his way back to the recliner and sprawled out, catlike, "If this was my town, I'd have that one chained to the bed."

"It's not your town!"

"So it's not. Which leads me back to my original question of several hours ago," Glanni turned on the Bambi eyes again and Robbie ignored them. His wheedling tone was harder to disregard, "Can I stay, little cousin? Just for a day or two, that's all. Maybe, possibly, but no more than three."

Robbie sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose where a headache was looming. Why couldn't Glanni just send letters and ask for bail money, like his mother? "Why do you need a place to stay, anyway?"

"It's all a misunderstanding," Glanni said immediately and Robbie rolled his eyes. Of course it was. "Three days," Glanni pleaded, "please, little cousin?" 

"You stay in the bunker," Robbie said bluntly, "You don’t interfere with the town, the people, with the blue idiot, or me!"

Glanni gave him a smart salute, "On my honor!"

"Your honor is worthless, swear on your boots, you like them more."

* * *

Later, Robbie would have to give Glanni credit. He held out for two whole hours. 

Really, it was his own fault for taking his blasted eyes off of Glanni for a second but he was nearly finished with the costume and honestly, couldn't he stay out of trouble for five minutes?

Rhetorical question.

Robbie had looked up to see Glanni gone and his heart had surged with such a rush of panic that he'd started to cough, stumbling to his feet in wild-eyed panic and lurching for his periscope. He'd known this was a bad idea, he'd _known_ it, blast it all, and he'd still said yes, the part of him that was human still weakly hopeful for some connection to his family.

Well, he hoped it was happy now because Robbie knew just how quickly a Fae could ruin their welcome in a town and Glanni excelled at it. 

A quick scan of the town revealed Glanni standing in town square because of course he was, and Robbie didn't bother to see what he was doing. It didn't matter what he was doing because Robbie was already thinking of damage control and lunging for the hatch. It was fine, it would be fine, Robbie was out of practice at soothing ruffled nerves over Fae pranks but his own foibles had been tolerated well enough. 

It would be fine. He would make it be fine.

He was out of breath by the time he'd run all way to town square, eyes all but bulging as he gasped, and he stumbled up just in time to see Sportacus flip into sight. He hesitated almost mid-flip just as Robbie reached Glanni. 

"Hello," Sportacus began brightly then he paused, blinking. It made Robbie roll his eyes despite the fact that he was currently trying not to die because yes, yes, the resemblance was uncanny.

It was one of the reasons Robbie had ended up in Lazytown; it was one of the few places Glanni hadn't alienated himself yet. 

"Well, hello, there," Glanni purred. "My name—"

"Doesn't matter," Robbie interrupted, rasping out, "Because he is coming right back down to my bunker and—"

"Robbie, that's not nice," Sportacus scolded. He had his hands on his hips in that Superman impersonation he so favored. "Don't you want to introduce us to your—"

"Cousin," Glanni interjected sweetly.

"No, I do not," Robbie snapped, "I—" he broke off with a grunt as Glanni elbowed him sharply in the gut.

"As I was saying, my name is Glanni," Glanni held out a hand, palm down, and batted his eyelashes. Like he was visiting royalty, Robbie seethed.

Sportacus grabbed his hand and shook his limp fingers, "Good to meet you, Glanni! Robbie's cousin, you say?"

"Yes, I just stopped in for a visit. I might stay longer if everyone here is like you," he leered. 

"Hm?" Sportacus tilted his head to the side, "No, I'm the only one like me here. Well, usually," he laughed and Robbie almost gagged as Sportacus actually winked at him. "But everyone else here is very nice! I hope you have a good visit, Glanni." With that, he was off again, leaping over one of the walls and back-flipping away.

Glanni pursed his lips. "Not very bright, is he."

"Maybe he just knows trouble when he sees it," Robbie muttered. "You promised you'd stay in the bunker!"

"Yes, yes," Glanni waved him off, lower lip poking out in a pout, "I only came up because I was bored, if you'd stop tinkering—"

"I'll stop," Robbie sighed. "Come back down, we can…we can watch TV."

"Oh, be still my heart," Glanni said dryly, but he followed after Robbie. "If you'd given me a chance, we could have had a muscley little toy to play with tonight."

"He's not a toy!" Robbie snapped thoughtlessly and cringed inwardly when Glanni raised an eyebrow at him. "He's an aggravation. Believe me, it would be more trouble than it's worth."

"You've been away too long, little cousin," Glanni chided. "That one looks like he'd be worth exactly the right amount of trouble."

Robbie didn't want to touch that statement with someone else's ten-foot pole. Instead, he focused on getting Glanni back down into his bunker before they bumped into anyone else. Not that his grip on Glanni's arm would make any difference if he truly wanted to escape but it was the principle of the thing. He barely breathed until they were safely back underground and even then it was only to sigh in relief. 

A sigh that turned to exasperation when Glanni flopped back into the recliner like an airborne fish, whining, "This is so booooooring!"

It was going to be a long three days.

tbc


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

Day One 

 

Robbie was used to going without sleep. 

Insomnia had plagued him since he was a child; he had a hard time falling asleep and a hard time staying asleep. It was his normal and so thought of staying relatively awake for the next three days wasn't as horrible as it might be for some. 

He still did need a _little_ sleep though so after an evening of both being forced to watch reality TV and having to listen to Glanni complain about it the entire time, Robbie had been ready for at least a couple of hours of blissful slumber. 

Although with his luck he'd dream about Glanni.

Prying Glanni out of the recliner hadn't seemed to be worth the effort. He did have a bedroom but since using it would have put Glanni out of his line of sight, that was out of the question. Instead, Robbie had made up a pallet on the floor. Not precisely comfortable but Robbie regularly slept in a chair, he could deal with it.

Then Glanni had begun to snore which at least let Robbie know he hadn't sneaked off somewhere in the night. Not that Robbie would have minded if the sneaking had taken him out of Lazytown but he doubted he would have been that fortunate. He'd settled in for a very long night and then…nothing. The world had ceased to exist in Robbie's mind and if he'd dreamed, he didn't know about what.

That left Robbie here this morning, grimly struggling out of an unaccustomedly deep sleep. Sometime in the night either Robbie had fallen asleep in self-defense or Glanni had given him a little magical push. Just the thought made him grit his teeth. No magic user liked someone else's magic on them to begin with, it was rude, and Robbie had had quite enough of being manipulated as a child. His mother's tendency to spell him to sleep at night was probably why he had a difficult time now without it.

Reluctantly, Robbie opened his eyes to assess the damages.

First, Glanni was gone. No surprises there.

Second, he'd managed to leave his mark before he'd left. Wet towels were scattered on the floor, one of them colorfully smeared with the remains of yesterday's makeup and the rest of his clothes led a trail to the kitchenette like the peels of a particularly exotic fruit. The half a cake Robbie had had neatly saran-wrapped on the counter was reduced to a dirty plateful of crumbs, except for the crumbs that graced the linoleum instead. 

Had he really agreed to this willingly? It seemed like a clear sign that Robbie needed some kind of medication or maybe just a brain scan because obviously there was something wrong with him that no amount of therapy was going to weasel out. 

Robbie gave his bunker a mournful look and left it as it was. The important thing was to find Glanni first, and after Robbie resisted the urge to murder him, drag him back down here. He could clean up his own blasted mess or at least laze around complaining while Robbie did it. 

Robbie was betting on the latter.

* * *

A frantic change of clothes and one brief search later and Robbie caught sight his cousin in the park. Robbie frowned, taking in the scene suspiciously. Glanni was chatting with the Mayor who only seemed his normal shade of befuddled, nothing out of the ordinary and yet--

Glanni had gone all out today. Not that he wasn't always androgynously beautiful, he was Fae, it was rather their defining characteristic. Today, though, he had pulled out all the stops, his lips berry-red and his eyes perfectly lined in wings that Robbie knew for a fact he'd used magic to accomplish because no one's hands were that steady.

Even his clothes had earned an upgrade. Glanni generally preferred tight to revealing but in the case of Lazytown, he seemed to be making an exception and had opted for tiny shorts that exposed the pale, bare length of his legs along with a tight, short-sleeved shirt with glimmering purple accents. Delicate sandals completed the look and few humans wouldn't give him a second glance, along with a few Fae. 

Next to him was a charming little basket that had absolutely not been from Robbie's bunker and in it were…apples?

Robbie lost precious moments to his confusion, trying to figure out why on the good earth Glanni would want apples of all things, when he realized Glanni had one of them in his hand, shining red, and he was about to hand it to the Mayor.

"No!" Robbie yelped, tripping over his own feet in his haste to get to them. He batted the apple away frantically, sending it to the ground. Never, ever take food from a Fae, did these people know nothing? 

"Robbie, my sweet, what is the trouble?" Glanni demanded. He scooped the apple up and took a pointed bite. "It's only an apple."

The Mayor looked like he thought they both might be insane. "Yes, well, thank you anyway." He trundled off, muttering under his breath, but Robbie didn’t have time for that numbskull. So long as Glanni hadn't poisoned him or enchanted him or otherwise done the man harm.

"What are you doing?" Robbie hissed. He snatched the apple away and examined it, but true to Glanni's word, there was no enchantment, nothing unusual at all except for the fact that Glanni had bitten it. Frankly, the fact that he'd gagged down that mouthful leaned towards the chance of some hidden enchantment but Robbie wasn't willing to try a bite of his own to check. 

"Endearing myself to the town, of course! It's always better to get on their good side first then they're more reluctant to run you out of town."

"They won't need to run you out of town, you're only staying for a few days!"

"Yes, yes," Glanni flapped an impatient hand. "Everyone in this town does seem terribly fond of apples, don't you think?"

Which probably meant he'd already managed to give away a few, Robbie sighed inwardly, no self preservation at all. Without thinking, he said, "It's that blasted blue kangaroo, he's always…why am I even telling you this, you don't actually care."

"Not really," Glanni agreed. "Blue kangaroo, eh? Not sure that's what I'd call him, maybe Bendy Straw would be better. Flexible and you can suck—"

"Stop it!"

"Speak of the devil," Glanni promptly sank down to sit in the grass, artfully posed so that his legs were on display, and with the most perfect specimen of apple in all creation balanced on his palm.

He was barely in place when Sportacus came flipping over a wall. He caught sight of them and brightened visibly, trotting over even as Robbie cringed inwardly. 

"Glanni, Robbie," Sportacus smiled warmly. He barely glanced down at Glanni, his eyes on Robbie as he asked, "Are you having a good visit?"

"Brilliant," Robbie grumbled and Sportacus's smile edged into a smirk, almost knowing.

"Oh, Sportacus," Glanni cooed. He held up his perfect apple, just the right shade of gleaming crimson, "Care for an apple?"

Robbie resisted the urge to slap that apple away, too. 

"Hm? Oh, no, thank you," Sportacus said distractedly. 

Now _that_ made Robbie blink in surprise. In the entire time he'd been in Lazytown, Robbie had never known Sportacus to turn down an apple, even from a stranger. Maybe the fool was finally learning.

Glanni looked surprised too though his expression shifted quickly to annoyance. "I didn't think you'd be the kind of man who'd be so rude as to turn away a gift."

For just a second, there seemed to be…something…in Sportacus's expression, the slightest narrowing of his eyes, a sharpness to his gaze. Then he smiled sweetly, the same fool as always, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude. Only I just ate, I'd hate to see any sports candy go to waste!"

"Sports candy," Glanni repeated flatly. 

"Anyway, the kids are waiting for me. If you need anything, Robbie, I'm always happy to help," Sportacus met his eyes and Robbie was abruptly conscious that Glanni looked, well, like Glanni, and that he had barely thrown his clothes on before clambering out of the hatch. His hair was still sleep-mussed, he was wearing yesterday's makeup which probably looked a great deal closer to raccoon than smoky eyes after being buried in a pillow, and all together, he was probably a wreck. 

No wonder Sportacus thought he needed help. 

"I'm fine," Robbie said shortly. Mentally, he was willing Sportacus to go already, for crying out loud, why did he have to choose now to be willing to stand still. Finally, Robbie blustered out, "Well, go on then, flip off before you disappoint the kiddies."

Sportacus only grinned, "I'll see you soon!" And then he was off in a cartwheel. 

"He's really not any fun at all," Glanni fumed. He stood up with considerably less grace than he'd lain down, stomping to his feet.

"He's not, so why not leave him alone," Robbie snapped.

Glanni pursed his lips thoughtfully and Robbie could only groan, "You know, little cousin, I distinctly remember in the past you saying that you wanted your 'blue kangaroo'," Glanni made little mocking air quotes with his fingers, "to leave town. I could help you with that." He smiled sweetly, "Call it a favor."

The very thought of what Glanni might do to get Sportacus to leave town chilled Robbie's blood. "I do want him to leave town," Robbie ground out. "But I can manage on my own. The only thing your tricks will manage will probably be to get both of us tossed!"

"What's happened to you?" Glanni scowled. "So worried about the people in this little town, all these little humans. What do you care if something happens to them?"

"I don't," Robbie raked his fingers through his hair, wincing at the disarray that he could feel. "But I don't need them coming after me with torches and pitchforks!"

Glanni waved that off with a casual flap of his hand, painted nails flashing, "Oh, please, no one uses torches and pitchforks these days, did you just fall out of a Frankenstein movie? And even if they did, then you move on to another town."

"Like you are?" Robbie snapped. "Look, you're in my town right now. Mine. If you want to ruin every small town and city between here and the seashore, I do not care, but you aren't going mess with mine!"

Glanni blew out a sharp breath, "All right, little cousin, you've made your point. We can go back down to your dungeon."

"Good," Robbie let out a slow breath. "Let's go."

"Oh, we can go my way," Glanni flashed him a sharp grin and snapped his fingers.

Robbie glared up at him from where he'd fallen on the floor. "I hate it when you do that."

"I know, little cousin, and that is why I love doing it." He wrinkled his nose as he looked around, flopping back into Robbie's recliner. "I'm not sure why you like staying in here, this place is a mess."

"It's only murder if you get caught," Robbie muttered and began picking up towels.

tbc

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

Robbie knew he had a reputation for being lazy. It had been carefully cultivated since his arrival here in Lazytown and by now it was close to perfection. Lazy did not, however, mean dirty, not to him anyway, and that was a difference of opinion that he was not about to argue with his cousin. Mostly because he'd never win.

After he'd cleaned up the disaster of his kitchenette and living area, Robbie had discovered the remains of his bathroom. The urge to commit murder was rising and Robbie stifled it with manual labor. Worse, he knew that Glanni could clean all of this with a finger snap but Robbie would rather sever a limb than have him keeping using his magic all willy-nilly around his bunker. Traces of it tended to linger and the last thing Robbie wanted was bits of Glanni loitering around his lair for the next few months. 

He tried to keep a jaundiced eye on Glanni the entire time, although his loud sighs and complaints of boredom were almost enough to persuade Robbie of his continued presence. 

Almost.

Better to just watch him and tune out the endless parade of whining; it was a skill Robbie had learned years ago and apparently it was like riding a bike, you never forgot how to ignore annoying cousins.

Glanni had left his parents even earlier than Robbie had, or maybe they'd cast him out, Robbie had never been clear on that. He'd poofed in and out of Robbie's life for most of his childhood, and was just as likely to be the reason they made a hasty exit from a new city or town as his mother had been. Tricks and pranks and…well. Robbie cringed when he remembered some of the things his family had done. There was a fine line between humor and cruelty, and those two had never been able to find it. 

Hastily packing his meager belongings to slink away in the dark of night was not a habit Robbie ever wanted to be in again. 

Suddenly, Robbie realized that the living area was silent except for the squawking of the television and he stumbled hastily out. To find Glanni sprawled out sound asleep in his recliner, legs dangling over the side and an arm trailing on the floor. A line of drool extended from his mouth and was leaving a wet patch on his shirt and if Robbie had a camera, he would have snapped a picture just so that he could enjoy the sight of Glanni, frozen at his most ignoble, for all eternity.

Walking past, his toe caught on a box that was beneath the little end table and Robbie almost fell. The box rattled and Robbie frowned. He didn't remember putting anything down there--

Gingerly, Robbie pulled it out. Nothing more than cheap cardboard but when Robbie carefully lifted the flaps, his eyes went wide with horror. The contents gleamed in the harsh overhead lights; a couple of watches, coins, jewelry, even belt buckles. None of it was worth much on its own but put all together it was probably a tidy sum.

Robbie sat there a moment, eyes clenched tightly shut. Then he reached up and slapped Glanni on the back of his head. He yelped, flailing wildly and falling out of the chair to the floor. 

"What was that for?" he snarled, rubbing both his head and backside. 

"What is this?" Robbie gritted out. He shook the box and the contents jangled ominously.

Glanni at least had the sense to _pretend_ to look ashamed. "I can't help myself, you know that."

The worst thing was that Robbie did know. The compulsion to steal shiny things like a magpie was one his mother had had as well.

"How did you…you were only above ground for a couple hours," Robbie groaned. "I have to get rid of these." 

Glanni made a weak sound of protest, almost involuntarily, but he nodded unhappily. "Just throw them out. Or I can poof them away." 

He was already raising a hand to snap his fingers when Robbie yelped out, "Don't!" At Glanni's confusion, he rubbed his face with both hands. "I have to give them back."

"Give them back??"

"Yes! You don't think it's a terrible coincidence that your arrival overlaps with things disappearing?"

"Hmm, I suppose you're right," Glanni already sounded disinterested, his attention waning. Which meant Robbie was on his own in dealing with this, no surprise there.

Now the question was what to do with them. He could hardly waltz up to city hall and declare to the mayor, what, these, my good friend? Not to fear, my cousin simply can't resist the urge. He might as well just claim he'd found them laying around and---

Wait.

The basic framework of an idea was forming in his head, developing slowly into a full blown plan. A little obvious but it would work, he decided. Robbie had had worse schemes. 

All he needed a disguise. Robbie looked longingly at his new safari/Indiana Jones costume. But no, that was entirely too jungle for what he needed. A quick perusal of his costume tubes were declared too fungal, too tangled, and entirely too bangled, until…yes. Perfection.

This was where his strength in magic lay. Hardly a blip for a full-blooded Fae but Robbie was appreciative of the benefits. One quick spin and his genius plan was in play. 

"Absolutely not," Glanni said flatly.

Robbie looked down at himself. "What?"

It was perfect for the character. A long white beard, an overcoat, baggy trousers, and a pair of rimless spectacles set on the end of his nose. As disguises went, he could hardly have chosen better.

"No," Glanni shook his head. "I cannot allow this travesty while I'm here, I simply can't." One echoing snap of his fingers later and Robbie was back in his regular clothes.

Oh, for crying out loud! Robbie hissed, "I need a disguise, I can't do this as myself!" 

More irritating was that the costume hadn't reappeared in the tube, so who knew where Glanni had sent it off to. Somewhere in Lazytown, a woman trying to do her laundry was probably going to find it and wonder who in her family was wearing a fake beard around town.

"You'll have a costume, little cousin, a better one than that!" Robbie flinched as Glanni leapt to his feet and threw an overly-friendly arm around his shoulders. "It'll be perfect, trust me!"

Later, Robbie had to grudgingly admit Glanni had a sense of style. Against Robbie's protests, Glanni had dressed him in tight black trousers and buttoned up shirt, with a rich purple vest visible beneath a long jacket. The top hat should have been ridiculous, particularly as tall as he was, but somehow it only enhancing the sleek lines of his frame; from the hem of his trousers to the crown of the hat he was one line. Round sunglasses and a silver tipped cane completed the look. 

A pencil thin mustache that shouldn't have fooled a soul seemed better than a mask to the people of Lazytown and Robbie wondered sourly if Glanni had thrown a touch of glamour over it all. 

Not that Robbie blamed him. He would have done the same.

It didn't take him long to set things up. His hastily-made stand had neat, velvet-lined trays lying out with all the shining items carefully displayed. The words _Lost and Found_ sprawled in curling calligraphy across the sign, enticing the curious to come and see whatever it was they might have misplaced lately.

Already the Mayor had happily reclaimed his cuff links. 

That said, it wasn't a perfect solution. Robbie had already had to restrain the boy in yellow from claiming everything still on the tray. Also, it meant Robbie had to take his eyes off Glanni for as long as this took. Before he'd left, Robbie had sworn he was going to pick up a set of iron manacles and if Glanni moved from the recliner he was going to use the damn things. 

Glanni had promised on his boots to sit still. It was the best Robbie could hope for.

An hour later and a decent amount of the items had been happily claimed. Robbie wasn't sure what he was going to do with the leftovers and he was contemplating just leaving them there, it was mostly coins by now, when Sportacus came over the wall in a leap. 

He hesitated when he saw the stand, curiosity lighting his eyes and he darted over, bouncing on his toes as he beamed at Robbie. "Good afternoon!"

"Good afternoon, sir," Robbie used the voice Glanni had demanded went with the outfit, low and smoky. "Did you lose something? If so, we may have it here for you." 

"Not at all," Sportacus smiled, although he did give the tabletop a glance. "I don't have much worth taking."

Robbie drew himself up stiffly. "Sir, I assure you, everything we have has been genuinely lost and found, not taken, and we guarantee—"

Sportacus held up a hand and shook his head. "I misspoke, I'm sorry. I meant I don't have very much I could lose."

Still, Robbie blinked behind his sunglasses as Sportacus gave him a long look from beneath his lashes. If he hadn't known better, Robbie would have said the fool had raked his eyes over him, lingeringly even. 

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" Robbie asked uncomfortably. Not that he thought Sportacus could see past whatever glamour Glanni had cooked up, but still, the longer he stood here the warier Robbie felt.

"Nope," Sportacus popped the 'p' like a child, "I only wanted to meet you. I like meeting new people. In the past two days I've gotten to meet you and Robbie's cousin."

"I don't know if meeting Glanni counts as a new person," Robbie said dryly, "he and Robbie are exactly alike."

"No," Sportacus said with surprising firmness, "they really aren't."

That caught Robbie off-guard. A little flabbergasted, he said, "What are you talking about? They're practically twins."

Sportacus shrugged. "Maybe at first glance. Anyone who really looked would know better. They're nothing alike."

Robbie didn't know what to say to that. No one in his entire life had ever said anything like that. He'd spent half his childhood being confused with Glanni; his mother had laughed about it, called them her little mirror sprites. A few cases of mistaken identity, a few times being punished for Glanni's sins. They were exactly alike.

He didn't know why he was listening to Sportacus, anyway. He couldn't even see through the thinnest disguise, how could he possibly see something different between him and Glanni?

A chorus of voices was approaching, the children laughing and following the greedy kid, who had perhaps decided that if he wasn't allowed to claim everything, maybe his friends would have better luck.

Fingertips grazed the back of Robbie's hand, startling him out of his thoughts, and Robbie realized he was clenching the handle of his cane so tightly his knuckles were white.

"Anyway, good luck," Sportacus reached out and gently brushed off Robbie's lapel. "I hope everything gets found."

With that, he eased into a handstand before shifting to a quick flip, out of sight before the children tumbled into view and Robbie straightened his tie, settling into his character as he informed them that no, the yellow kid still couldn't take everything and that there was no candy anywhere in his wares.

His thoughts wandered back to Sportacus occasionally and Robbie rubbed the back of his hand absently where he could still feel the light touch of those fingers, stroking over his knuckles. 

Nothing at all like Glanni?

Not likely.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

Day Two

On the plus side, on the second morning of Glanni's endless sleepover at Robbie's place, Robbie could definitely tell he hadn't been spelled to sleep. With as exhausted as he felt waking up that morning after spending a night tossing and turning, waking from dreams of what Glanni could do in Lazytown and from one memorable nightmare where his mother had come to visit, Robbie could say with certainty that he'd slept normally. 

Glanni was still snoring in his recliner when Robbie sat up, stretching and wincing as his joints registered their protest of a second night sleeping on the floor. He shuffled off into his hopefully-to stay sparkling clean bathroom, yawning as he used the facilities. He washed his hands, absently glancing in the mirror, and froze, barely noticing the water sloshing over the sleeves of his pajama shirt.

Oh for pity's sake. 

"Glanni!" he shouted, storming out of the bathroom. His cousin jerked in his sleep and nearly fell from the chair. 

Robbie gestured angrily at his hair. "Are you honestly _this_ bored? This is one of the lowest ranking pranks in existence! I can't even believe you'd stoop this low!"

His hair stood up in wild tangles and knots, looking as if a dozen rats had decided to set up a theme park in it in the night and had gotten bored halfway through. 

Glanni held up his hands defensively. "I must've done it in my sleep! You know I have nothing but respect for a good hairstyle."

"I swear, if you did this on purpose, I will use those cuffs and drag you to the edge of town," Robbie gritted out. True to his word, the iron manacles he'd bought the day before were by the hatch in a plastic shopping bag, one end hanging threateningly out.

"On my boots, Robbie," Glanni said solemnly. Perhaps there was someone left in the world who would believe in the innocence in those eyes but Robbie wasn't one of them. 

Robbie sighed. Not that he really believed Glanni and yet…"Fine," he said grudgingly. He tried to comb through his hair with his fingers and winced at the pull. Magically induced hair knots would not be tamed by anything so simple. A niggling, suspicious thought rose, "Is anyone else going to be waking up looking like they got into a street fight with Vidal Sassoon?"

"Maybe?" Glanni hedged. 

Wonderful. Robbie stormed back to the bathroom to fix his own hair before going up top to see if anyone else was struggling with their coif that day. At the very least, Robbie could probably manage a counter-charm, despite the questions it would raise. 

He was already coming up with a hasty plan on how to cast a quick charm to fix things without being noticed when he stumbled across the children and Sportacus in the park. They were playing some sort of game with flags and hoops and balls, and if there were rules, Robbie certainly didn't understand them. There was something else strange as well, something that was definitely not their perfectly normal hair and… Robbie blinked as he realized all of the kids were wearing their clothes inside out.

They all paused when they saw him staring, darting up with varying degrees of grace and chorusing greetings, and when had Robbie started meriting happy good mornings? He didn't really know. 

Well, that was a concern for another time, "Why are you dressed like that?"

"It's inside-out day!" Sportacus beamed up at him. Much further up than normal since he was currently in a handstand. 

"Inside-out day," Robbie said slowly. 

"Yes!" The pink child laughed. Her dress and her socks were both reversed. "It even said so on my calendar this morning."

Well, that was…actually a fairly effective little charm against idle Fae tricks; very basic but enough to ward off a pathetic little hair-knotting prank. 

How oddly convenient. 

The children ran back to their game, laughing and shouting as they played. Sportacus flipped back to his feet and watched them, oblivious to Robbie's wary look. 

"Why aren't your clothes inside out?" Robbie couldn't help asking, suspiciously. 

"I'm not a child," Sportacus said wryly. He gave Robbie a wink. "Besides, how do you know none of my clothes are inside out?"

Oh, Robbie was not in the mood for this.

"Let me see your hair!" Robbie demanded.

The way Sportacus's eyes went round was more like if Robbie had demanded to check if his underwear was really inside out. He clapped a hand on his head, holding his hat down as though expecting Robbie to snatch it off of him, which frankly wasn't a bad idea. "Um, no?"

"Why not?" Robbie challenged him, stalking forward.

Sportacus backed away from him, his free hand out as if to ward Robbie off, and of course he could run backwards. Robbie wasn't even surprised. 

If anyone had seen Robbie chasing after him in an attempt to steal his hat, they would have revoked his villain card. He'd never survive the shame of not being able to grab a hat away from a man who was not only a decent chunk shorter than him but also zipping around backwards. Although he'd gain at least a couple of points back just from the way Sportacus was begging.

"Please, don't," Sportacus pleaded. He had both hands clutched over his hat now, "I never take my hat off, Robbie, it's…I…I just don't!"

Well, that much was true. Robbie blew out an impatient breath around his gasps for air, panting out, "Oh, never mind."

At least the Mayor was bald and if Ms Busybody's hair had suffered an attack, he would have heard the screaming all the way underground. This was more exercise than he'd wanted for the week and he needed to get back to his bunker before Glanni managed something else, intentional or otherwise. He turned away and started back home, swiping a clean handkerchief over his sweating face.

"Robbie," Sportacus called. He jogged after Robbie, although Robbie noted with sour amusement that he and his hat stayed out of arm's reach.

"You're sure you're all right?" Sportacus looked at him searchingly and if his eyes lingered on Robbie's hair, it had to be because of what Robbie had said because blast it, he knew his hair had looked fine when he left. 

It didn't stop Robbie from running a surreptitious hand over his head, half-expecting to feel the return of the tangles and knots. Nothing but sleekly gelled hair met his touch. 

Sportacus's eyes followed the movement and he raised an eyebrow. He said, reassuringly, "Your hair is perfect."

"I know it is," Robbie snapped. "And I'm fine! Everything is fine!"

"Fine," Sportacus repeated. He sounded doubtful. "If you need anything—"

"I don't need anything from you," Robbie started to storm away and then hesitated, hanging his head before turning back, "You might want to make sure the brats keep their clothes inside out for the rest of the day."

If Robbie hadn't known better, he would have called that a smirk, "Not a problem," Sportacus said breezily, "They think it's a good game, anyway."

A game? "Pinkie said it was inside-out day on her calendar," Robbie said slowly.

"And so it is," Sportacus said agreeably, "You know, you can tell me if you need any help."

"Why would I need help?" Robbie challenged him.

"I'm sure I don't know," Sportacus said and Robbie was starting to have his doubts about that, "But if you do—"

"I won't," Robbie snapped, then added, grudgingly, "But if I do, I know how to get a hold of you."

The smile that lit Sportacus's face could have powered Robbie's cake machine for a week. That being so, he still didn't step close enough for Robbie to touch his hat. For all his idiocy, Robbie could reluctantly admit he wasn't completely stupid, "If you do, let me know. Please?"

Robbie managed a curt nod and turned away. Not that he would. Not that he needed any help, thank you, he'd been dealing with Glanni for years and whatever Sportacus knew or thought he knew, well, it wasn't anywhere close to reality, now was it. 

Still sweating from his impromptu exercise, Robbie took the slide down rather than the ladder, climbing out with a grunt and dusting imaginary wrinkles from his clothes. 

"Well, Glanni, it doesn't look like you managed to alienate everyone with your hair drama," Robbie began, "Glanni?"

His chair was empty. 

Robbie groaned and leaned against the wall. He wondered how hard he'd have to hit his head against it to knock himself unconscious.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

After finding Glanni missing…again…Robbie allowed himself five minutes. Just five minutes to sit in his chair, head in his hands, while he took long, calming breathes. Long, soft inhales and short, flat exhales, trying to settle his rabbiting heart rate back into something closer to normal. 

He couldn't afford to panic right now, he didn't have _time_ to panic. He'd let Glanni stay even though he knew the chances of him getting into an unforgivable amount of trouble were closer to _when_ than _if_ and now he had to fix this.

Five mental minutes and Robbie took a last calming breath and stood. Time to find his cousin.

Lazytown was honestly barely a town in the common definition of the word. It was closer to a village or maybe even a hamlet, if a person wanted to be a fuss about it. To be fair, Robbie didn't blame them for sticking with town. Lazyhamlet didn't have quite the same ring to it.

But town or hamlet, it wasn't exactly big and there were only so many places a recklessly bored fae could have run off to and Robbie was frustratingly embarrassed at how long it was taking him to find Glanni. 

Once, he would have been able to guess almost immediately where Glanni had chosen to make his mischief, Glanni and his mother, and whether that was a hint of his own magic coming through or Robbie was able to intuit it after so many years was anyone's guess. Right now he was out of practice, far out of practice. Glanni was making himself disturbingly scarce and Robbie did not believe for even an instant that he'd left Lazytown. He was here, somewhere, about to ruin Robbie's life and Robbie was going to find him. 

The first place he checked was with the Mayor, who was puttering around outside his home with a gardening hose, spraying the flowers. Glanni had shown a peculiar interest in the Mayor, or not so peculiar, authority figures were ripe with opportunities for pranks. None of Robbie's meager charms had turned up anything, magically hidden or otherwise, and after giving the Mayor a weak wave when he'd chirped a curious good afternoon, Robbie had moved on. 

Ms Busybody was equally unscathed and Robbie wasn't surprised by that. Nothing about her was likely to pique Glanni's interest. The town hall, the library, even the ice cream stand were all standing quiet and unscathed and Robbie was trudging along in dejected failure when he heard it. 

Soft and sweet, eerily captivating music was drifting along the breeze. Like nothing Robbie had ever heard in Lazytown and everything that he remembered from his childhood. Fine hairs were rising on the back of Robbie's neck and he cautiously followed the sound of bright, delighted trills carrying through the air. 

The vivid music drew him to the park and there Robbie saw his cousin sitting beneath a tall oak tree. He was dressed more normally today, from his neck to wrist to ankles, his clothing skin-tight and his boots laced to his knees. Even from here Robbie could see his makeup was perfect, his lipstick unsmudged as he pursed his lips to coax that unearthly song from the silver flute in his hands. 

It was a picture of transcendent loveliness, Glanni playing a flute and the children were dancing. 

The children.

Memories of his mother and dancing children with bloodied feet, of the music carried in her sweet laughter flooded Robbie's thoughts. He tasted thick, salt bitterness on the back of his tongue and…no.

"Stop!" Robbie shouted.

He'd meant Glanni but the children all obeyed, halting so quickly that two of them stumbled and fell. Robbie stormed over to Glanni and snatched the flute away from him with trembling hands. 

"What are you doing?" Robbie snarled.

Glanni scowled up at him, less pretty in his irritation. "We were playing until a certain spoilsport showed up!"

"Playing?" Robbie sneered, "You? Playing with children?"

"I love children," Glanni said dramatically, clutching a fist to his chest. The children only stood in bewildered silence, watching them argue. 

"For dinner," Robbie muttered.

Glanni wagged a finger at him, "Now, see there? That is how those horrible stories about our kind began. Fae do not eat children…kidnap, occasionally," he added, under his breath, "But not eat!"

"And anyway, we have a special surprise for everyone, don't we, children?" Glanni clapped excitedly and the children all cheered.

"Glanni," Robbie began, low, a thick sort of terror in his throat. Not these children, not this time. "Please, you can't—"

"Hush, little cousin," Glanni said sternly and there was a thread of compulsion behind the words. Robbie fell instantly, unwillingly, silent, pleading with his eyes. For once, Glanni's expression softened, "It's all in fun, I promise." 

"Yeah, Robbie, it'll be fun!" the pink girl chimed in. Stephanie, he could admit he knew her name. The others chorused agreement. Stephanie and Stingy, Ziggy and Trixie and Pixel. He knew them all, just liked he'd known the names of other children a long time ago. Swallowing hard against his bound vocal cords, Robbie studied them with narrowed eyes. 

They didn't _seem_ glamoured, their eyes were sparkling clear, none of the dullness he'd come to recognize in enchanted humans. Robbie knew all too well the signs of glamouring; his mother had loved children, too, loved playing with them, not like Sportacus did and it had taken Robbie some little time to recognize the difference.

Sportacus like to play _games_ with them, his mother had played games _with_ them like they were toys and like any child, sometimes her toys broke.

Glanni didn't do that, Robbie told himself fiercely, for all his faults, he'd never done _that_. 

Yet.

"Let's get everything set up, shall we, children?" Glanni said happily. "Robbie, you can help."

Robbie didn't protest, partly because he couldn't past flapping his hands furiously, but also, because they may as well hurry and get whatever this was over and done with. Glanni wasn't going to hurt them, Robbie told himself desperately, even as he helped little Ziggy bring chairs out to the stage. He wouldn't. 

In no little time, the stage was set and Robbie was sat mutely in a chair. He didn't look up as the Mayor and Ms Busybody joined him in the audience, both of them full of chattering and eagerness for whatever show the little ones were about to put on for them. They didn't seem to notice Robbie's silence and Robbie only propped his chin on his hand glumly, waiting for all this to be over with. 

Sportacus was the last one there and Robbie sighed inwardly as he sat down next to him. Whatever the children had told to the others about the show, Robbie wasn't sure. They all seemed keen to see it, though, and it wasn't as if Robbie could ask. He watched Sportacus taking in the stage and the children gathered not far away in their little costumes. 

"What do you think he taught them?" Sportacus leaned in to ask softly. His hand settled lightly on Robbie's shoulder, its warmth seeping through.

Robbie shrugged and to his surprise, found the pressure on his vocal cords easing. Glanni must've let go of the enchantment. "I suppose we're all going to find out," Robbie said wearily. 

"I suppose we are."

It was Glanni who came out onto the stage first and polite applause rose from the small crowd. To Robbie's surprise, he was wearing a hat, the same gaudy pirate one that Robbie had worn during his tenure as Rottenbeard. Glanni hadn't bothered with the rest of the costume, the hat on his head in a jaunty angle as he leaned in to the microphone. 

"Hello, everyone," Glanni began, too loudly, and the microphone screeched with feedback that left them all wincing. "Hello, hello," he repeated with better results, "There we are! Thank you all for coming, we have just a little show for you today. The children told me all about the time you all played pirates and it was too adorable for words, so I thought I'd teach them a charming little sea shanty! It's called, The Captain's Wife's Lament."

He clapped delightedly and the children all came out on the stage. This time Robbie clapped with the rest of the crowd, wearily resigned, but still, they were children. All of them in their pirate costumes and grinning their delight from the stage, and Pixel was carrying a guitar that he strummed with reasonable skill.

With a quick bow to the audience, Glanni turned to his ragtag performers, lifting his conductor's baton and with a one, two, away they went.

It began well enough. The children were actually fairly talented, harmonizing with the pink girl leading. It was a song about a Captain whose crew weren't able to find lodgings in the town they'd come to and instead, went to the Captain's home and Robbie relaxed, just a little, leaning back into his chair. Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad, maybe Glanni had simply wanted to teach the children a song and---

Oh, dear god. 

The children's voices rose on the chorus and they were treated to all five of the fresh-faced, smiling children of Lazytown singing about the poor Captain's wife and her seaman covered home; seaman on the stairs, seamen behind the door. Seamen in the closet and seaman on the floor. 

A veritable navy of seamen for the innocent kids to sing about leaving stains on the family dog. Robbie sat frozen in his chair and even though he _could_ speak, there wasn't a word he could say to end this travesty. 

The children finished with a flourish and a demand for the seamen to be cleaned up once and for all. There was a brief silence, broken by the heavy thud of Ms Busybody falling from her chair in a dead faint. Even the mayor took a moment before he darted over to help her up. 

Sportacus was so crimson it clashed with his shirt, "That was…ah," he cleared his throat. "You sing very well, kids!"

Glanni clapped loudly, "Don't they just? Take a bow, children, you were wonderful!"

"Wonderful," Robbie echoed through gritted teeth, clapping along with him. All the happy, oblivious children tumbled off the stage, heading towards their audience and Robbie took the time to scramble up on the stage himself, stalking towards his cousin. 

"Glanni—" he hissed, threateningly. 

"Oh, come on, that was hilarious!" Glanni chuckled. He patted Robbie's cheek gently, nails barely scraping, "And admit it, it wasn't nearly as terrible as you'd worked yourself up to think, was it?"

"No," Robbie admitted, grudgingly, "And maybe it was hilarious for you, but I still have to live here when you leave!"

"You don’t _have_ to live anywhere, little cousin," Glanni chided. His eyes flicked past Robbie and he turned to see Sportacus headed in their direction. He looked anything but his normal cheerful self. "I think I'll head back down to your dungeon. Ta, little cousin!"

Glanni blew him a kiss before hopping off the stage, out of sight, and vanishing, leaving Robbie, as always, to deal with the consequences of his little stunt. Dread was heavy and thick in his chest and Robbie rubbed the bridge of his nose, feeling the pressure of tears gathering. It wasn't fair, it really wasn't, and for all that he'd wanted to chase Sportacus out of town, if he were brutally honest with himself he knew that if Sportacus wanted _him_ gone, Robbie didn't stand much of a chance. 

"I know, I know, I'm sorry, I'm trying to keep him under control," Robbie muttered as Sportacus came up to him. "I'll…I'll do better, I promise. It's only for one more day."

Sportacus frowned at him, a little wrinkle forming between his eyes. "You don't need to apologize for Glanni. I only wanted to see if you were doing all right. Having a house guest can be," he coughed, "challenging."

"You have no idea," Robbie muttered. 

"I really do," Sportacus said. There was nothing of his usual bright cheer in those few words, only dark sourness. 

"Anyway, I'll try harder to keep him…well. I'll try harder," Robbie said, tasting his own desperation because he couldn't control Glanni any more than he'd been able to control his mother. He'd lived in Lazytown longer than any other place his entire life. Maybe Glanni was right, maybe it was easier to just move on, but Robbie didn't want easy. He wanted his home.

"Robbie," Strong fingers caught his wrist in a gentle grip and still Robbie flinched instinctively, braced for a blow that never came. When he managed to unclench his eyes, Sportacus was looking at him sadly. Robbie couldn't even be bothered with embarrassment. Very carefully, Sportacus let go, and held up both of his hands, fingers spread. "You don't need to apologize for Glanni."

"I always need to apologize for Glanni."

Sportacus shook his head. "The only person you are responsible for is you."

"You say that now but when he fills your shoes with honey or turns your hair orange, you'll be less convinced." Or when he poisons the entire town on a lark, but no point in bringing that up.

"He'll have a more difficult time using his tricks on me than you'd think," Sportacus said dryly. Again, there was something almost…knowing…in his voice. Which was impossible; Glanni was many things but he managed not to be overtly obvious about what they were. 

Sportacus reached out to him again, the movement carefully telegraphed, and Robbie didn't flinch, stood there silently while a broad thumb gently stroked over the arch of his cheekbone. "I'm here for you if you need me." The gentle insistence in his voice was a little frightening and Robbie swallowed hard.

"All right," Robbie said hoarsely. He cleared his throat and jerked away, heading back for home. 

Right now he had a cousin to chain up.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you'd like to hear the song that Glanni taught the kids, it's here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BR6_1KtAyNc
> 
> Well, he wasn't wrong. It is a charming sea shanty. ;)


	6. Chapter 6

* * *

Day Three

 

Robbie had no interest in opening his eyes. The past few mornings, every time he'd opened his eyes was when the trouble had begun and maybe if he just kept them closed for a little longer he could put off whatever crises was coming. 

When he'd returned to his bunker the day before, Glanni had taken his handcuffing with unusual grace. He'd meekly held out one slender wrist for Robbie to shackle, hardly wincing as the iron touched his skin. It was enough to make Robbie feel guilty about it all. Iron was only faintly uncomfortable for him; for Glanni it probably felt like discomfort was buzzing across his skin, the iron stifling his magic even more than the cuff stifled his movements.

Remember the children singing that wretched song, the expression on Sportacus face, was enough to harden his heart. 

"We don't talk anymore, cousin," Glanni sighed. He'd kicked off his boots and was lying upside down in the recliner, rubbing his bare feet over the orange fur. 

Robbie grunted and kept his eyes on his latest project, making a mental note to have his chair steam-cleaned. 

"You haven't even asked me about your mother," Glanni said, less chiding and more idly curious. "I still see her from time to time."

"We write," Robbie said shortly.

"Mmmhmm," Glanni hummed. "I know. To be honest, I'm surprised she hadn't gotten curious enough to check out your little town here."

Just the thought made blank terror rise in Robbie because she would love the children here. All of them so vibrant and different and…and…

"Easy, little cousin," Glanni rolled to his feet, chain rattling as he padded across the floor on bare feet to pat Robbie's back gently. Robbie noticed distantly that he was shaking. "She's not going to get the idea from me." Glanni shivered delicately. "I like to play as much as the next person but your mommy dearest can take things a little far."

"So can you," Robbie said, shortly. There was no reply and after a moment, Robbie glanced back at Glanni, who was looking at him with a distinct impression of hurt. Almost, Robbie took it back, almost apologized, but then Glanni stomped back to the chair and hurled himself into it, face pinched into a sulk. To Robbie's guilty relief, he didn't talk the rest of the night.

That left him with this morning, Glanni's last day to hide out and torment him. Very slowly, Robbie opened his eyes to take in whatever disaster was going to befall him. 

Only to find an empty chain on an empty chair and Robbie closed his eyes again. He was going to tell Glanni to leave, as soon as he caught up to him. No matter how desperately he craved some sort of family bond, eventually Glanni was going to take one of his pranks too far and someone would be hurt. The only question was whether it would be one of the denizens of Lazytown or Robbie.

Better to bypass it all than to find out which.

* * *

It was still startlingly early in the morning Robbie discovered as he made his way outside. The sun was only barely up, the children probably still snug in their beds, and the grass was glossy with dew, shining in the sunlight as it dried. 

Pretty enough but not worth dragging out of bed at this hour. Stifling a yawn, Robbie started wearily on his search for his cousin, and honestly, if he'd known he was going to be doing a marathon daily through the town, he would have put on a better pair of shoes. 

Finding Glanni this morning was far easier, and far worse, than he'd expected.

What he saw froze him and Robbie could only stand, staring, coldness settling into his chest.

Glanni and Sportacus were kissing. 

They were standing right there on the edge of the park. In his boots Glanni towered over Sportacus, had to lean down to him. Glanni was kissing him and…and Sportacus was letting him. Both his hands on Glanni's shoulders, their lips mashed together so hard it looked like a grimace.

It seemed to last an eternity until Sportacus finally pulled away and Robbie watched him wipe the smears of lipstick off his mouth with the back of his hand, scowling, "There, was that…Robbie?"

Robbie lurched into motion, he couldn't stay here, he _couldn't_. The frozen core in his chest was heating, his face scalding red and maybe he was more like his mother than he thought. He wanted to rip out both of their eyes and unaccustomed power was tingling in his fingertips. He thought maybe if he stayed he might not be able to contain the urge.

"Robbie, wait!"

Robbie ignored him, striding faster, and when a hand caught his arm, Robbie didn't flinch, he _yanked_ himself away, heedless of bruises. It was only when Sportacus managed to get in front of him, persistently refusing to let Robbie past him that he stopped. 

"Let me explain," Sportacus said. He didn't touch, didn't try, but he held his hands up pleadingly. 

"You don’t need to explain anything to me," Robbie looked at him coldly and if ever he had disliked Sportacus before, he could state right at this moment that he hated him, with every ounce of emotion that he possessed. The urge to hurt him, lash out at him with the magic he could feel heating in his core, was insistent and Robbie shoved it down, he wasn't his mother, he _wasn't_. 

"Robbie, please—" Sportacus began, only to interrupted by Glanni, who appeared next to them, lounging in the dew-soaked grass that seemed to dry just for him. 

"It was a bet!" Glanni called out, lazily.

"A contest," Sportacus scowled.

"A bet, a contest," Glanni flapped a hand impatiently, "I told your little blue putz that I could beat him in a race from one end of the park to the other."

"And you tricked me," Sportacus accused, "He used his magic and…poof! He was there!"

"I never said I'd be running," Glanni yawned. He picked a blade of grass of his boot with a moue of distaste. "Next time, you'll pay better attention."

That simmering anger, the unwilling hatred, eased slowly. Robbie took a deep, cooling breath, felt the volcanic heat of it fading and settling into something closer to normal as he asked disbelievingly, "And you bet a _kiss_?" 

"Oh, no, no," Glanni offered him a razor sharp grin. "I told him I'd think of something. Blame him for his overconfidence that he didn’t set better terms."

Robbie hadn't even known Sportacus could look that angry. It was certainly a revelation.  


"I didn’t _bet_ anything," Sportacus said sharply, "But I did lose. I forgot one important detail."

"Do tell, lover," Glanni purred. 

Robbie swore he could feel the temperature around Sportacus drop a few degrees with the iciness of his glare.

"Never challenge a Fae if you aren't willing to pay the price."

He knew. Robbie closed his eyes.

"I should make you try again," Glanni pouted. "I wanted a kiss, not a smack in the mouth. I think you made me bite my lip."

"You said a kiss," Sportacus said shortly. "And you got one. If you wanted it different, you should have specified the details."

"Hmm, at least he catches on quickly."

Sportacus ignored that, turned back to Robbie. "You believe me?"

"I don't see how what I believe matters—" Robbie blustered out. In the wake of his mental temper tantrum, he felt exhausted, adrenaline burned, and he just wanted to get back to his bunker long enough to tell Glanni to get out.

"Do you?" Sportacus searched his face, "Robbie, do you really think I'd willingly kiss your cousin knowing how you feel about me?"

Robbie gaped at him. "How I feel…I don't feel anything about you except disgust!"

Sportacus sighed, "Of course." He made a sound of impatience, "Robbie, you bring new meaning to the term playing a long game."

"What are you babbling about?"

Sportacus vigorously rolled his eyes and honestly, he was going to sprain something doing that one of these times. "How long are you planning on flirting, Robbie?"

"Flirting? I wouldn't…I _never_ …!

Sportacus sighed impatiently, "You're Fae! You've been flirting with me since the moment we met! Insulting me, calling me names, trying to find ways to chase me away," he counted each one on a finger. "You've brought me mischievous gifts that you made yourself, brought me enchanted food, you've even danced with me!" Another sigh, "How long are you going to make me wait?"

"He's only half-Fae," Glanni offered, sing-song and sweet. 

"Half-Fae?" Sportacus spared him a glance, frowning.

"Oh, yes, his mommy dearest found herself, shall we say, a slim drink of water. And she was _thirsty!_ " Glanni twisted sinuously on the grass to lay on his belly, looking up at Robbie with wide eyes, "Why, little cousin, I bet you've been playing with your toy for all this time and had no idea what you really wanted to do with it."

"Robbie?" For the first time, Sportacus looked uncertain, "I'm…I thought…I guess I don't know what you want, then."

"Me either," Robbie said numbly. He didn't…did he? Sportacus was an irritation; he had been since he'd arrived in Lazytown, worse than lying on a bed of iron chains, and yet…and yet Robbie couldn't help thinking about him. It had been ages since he'd gotten up to any pranks and then suddenly Sportacus had come and he hadn't been able to resist trying out schemes on him. He'd lived under the radar in Lazytown for years and then for Sportacus he'd risked everything just for the sake of…of what? The children were equally annoying and he'd never tried to chase them out of town. Was it…possibly because…

"I suppose my work here is done," Glanni rolled to his feet and dusted off his hands, oblivious to Robbie's conflict, "Do invite me to the wedding or the funeral or whatever it is you two decide to go with."

"Glanni?" Sportacus spared him a look.

"Hmmmm, darling?"

"Tell Íþróttaálfurinn that I said hello," His expression darkened. "And I'll remind him that he should keep better tabs on his own toys."

Robbie was treated to the novel sight of Glanni freezing, the smirk dropping from his face so quickly Robbie almost expected it to shatter at his feet.

"I have a cousin, too, and we exchange letters," Sportacus offered him a sharp smile, "Often."

"Really," Glanni coughed. "Well, I…"

"In fact, I was just telling him recently about your visit—"

"All right," Glanni snapped, "I can take a hint! And anyway, it was all a misunderstanding!"

"A misunderstanding worth several thousand dollars in damages or so I hear."

Glanni scowled fiercely and then his face broke into a grin, "Well, it was funny, anyway. I'll see you around, little cousin, you can thank me later!" With a snap of his fingers, he was gone.

"Your cousin is about the most troublesome person I've ever met," Sportacus said conversationally.

"Yes, and I'm just like him," Robbie said hoarsely. It had to be said, Sportacus seemed to be under some illusion that Robbie was different and he wasn't, not nearly as different as he wished he was.

A suspicion that Sportacus confirmed, "Robbie, you're nothing like him."

"I'm half-Fae," Robbie snapped.

Sportacus gave him a scrutinizing look, "That troubles you, doesn't it?"

"Shouldn't it? It's been nothing _but_ trouble for me!"

Sportacus sighed and with one smooth move, reached up and tugged off his hat. Robbie blinked at him, surprised, particularly after the fuss Sportacus had put up over it, not understand the significance until…

"You're an Elf," Robbie said blankly. He stared at those little ear points, not quite hidden by his hair.

"Yes, I know," Sportacus said dryly.

"You...you're…" Robbie wet suddenly dry lips. "You're Fae."

"One of the clans of lighter Fae, yes," Sportacus smiled, "I always assumed you were dark. Not a deal-breaker, but--" he shrugged. "The rules tend to be different."

"More like undecided," Robbie said, unwillingly. "I don’t…my mother…"

"You don’t have to tell me," Sportacus said softly. He twisted his hat in his hands, the goggles clacking together.

"My mother left her clan," Robbie continued, doggedly. "And Glanni, I don't think he was ever in one, and—"

"Robbie, you don't need to explain your family to me. I understand."

"Do you?" Robbie burst out and for once, Robbie believed him. If anyone would, it would have to be Sportacus. He bit his lip, considering. "If you had beat Glanni, what were you going to ask from him?"

"I was going to tell him to leave town," Sportacus smiled wryly, "I know that's our usual, but it seemed worth a try." Very slowly, he reached up with a hand, gently cupping Robbie's cheek in his palm. "Believe me, Robbie, I understand. You've never met my family."

Robbie took a deep breath and tried not to lean into that soft touch, admitting, "I don't know what I want."

"Take some time to think about it. I'm not going anywhere," Sportacus teased gently, "You're not chasing me away that easily."

Hearing that made heat rise in Robbie's chest again, not at all the same; instead of volcanic anger this was like melting honey, a strange, unaccustomed sweetness and before he could think, Robbie was stepping past Sportacus's outstretched hand and kissing him. It was awkward and terrible, their mouths mashed bruisingly together like…like it had been with Glanni and—

And then Sportacus cupped his face in both hands, tilting into the kiss, wet and soft and oh. 

Oh.

Standing in the sunshine with Sportacus in his arms, kissing him with all the tender caring that Robbie hadn't even known he wanted, Robbie distantly thought that it was entirely possible he owed Glanni a thank you card or at the very least, maybe an offer to polish his boots. 

Just this once.

* * *

It was hours later when Robbie made it back to his bunker to find Glanni sprawled in his recliner. Robbie couldn't say he was surprised. 

"Did you two decide what you were going with?"

"I…" Robbie wet his lips. They felt a little bruised and sore, and he couldn't say he minded in the least. "I think so."

"From the look on your face I can guess which," Glanni said dryly. "You really like that blue oaf, don’t you. You always have." There was something indescribably fond in those words and Robbie blinked at him. Glanni was studying his nails, rubbing away a smudge before he stood with a sigh. "I'm off then, little cousin. Be happy or at least don't kill each other. Keep writing, won't you? It takes a while for me to get the letters sometimes but--" Glanni hesitated, "Keep writing to me."

"Glanni—" 

"Oh, and tell your new little toy something for me?" A low thrum vibrated in his voice and his eyes went completely dark, blackness overtaking the whites. Robbie swallowed thickly. "If he hurts you, he'll find out just how powerful I really am." 

"I'll keep it in mind."

Instantly, his eyes cleared back to normal and Glanni gave him a winsome smile. "Wonderful! Take care, little cousin, you probably won't see me around for a while."

"Glanni," Robbie burst out, hesitated, and then sighed, "Come visit again. Maybe…maybe next year."

"Maybe I will," Glanni grinned wickedly. "I didn't really have a chance to get to know everyone." And before Robbie could respond to that with a suitable threat, Glanni had snapped his fingers and was gone.

For the first time in three days, his empty chair wasn't a terrifying sight. Gingerly, Robbie sat down and inhaled what smelled like half a bottle of Febreze.

At least Glanni hadn't used magic to clean it. 

Tomorrow, he and Sportacus were supposed to meet, to do…well, Robbie wasn't sure but he suspected that Sportacus would come up with some date-worthy activity that didn't involve sports or apples. He hoped. Either way, Robbie decided that afterward he'd write Glanni a letter to let him know how it went, for good or bad.

After all, he was family. 

-finis-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much everyone for reading! I had a great time writing it, please, let me know if you enjoyed it! :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I’m a liar who lies. 
> 
> THIS is the last chapter. Just a short epilogue. I couldn’t resist. ;)

* * *

Epilogue

Glanni had plenty of hideouts; hidden nooks, holes-in-walls, places of dubious safety and often more dubious cleanliness. 

This one, a small loft above a quiet little money laundering facility disguised as a bakery, was a personal favorite. Small, clean, and relatively private. There was a shelf of food in the kitchen, all sealed and packaged, with obscene expiry dates. A neatly made bed stood in one corner and Glanni collapsed on it, throwing an arm over his eyes as he contemplated whether or not to use the tiny shower or just snap away his makeup without bothering with a skin care regiment. 

The near-silent swish of the door opening made him stiffen, though he didn’t uncover his eyes. 

"Well, well, well, look who's returned," floated across the room to him in a silky voice.

"Íþróttaálfurinn," Glanni sighed irritably. Apparently, he'd been favoring this hideout entirely too much if he was this easy to find. He lifted his arm enough to glare at the figure leaning against the door jamb, his arms crossed over his chest. "Don’t you have—" he waved a hand lazily, "Heroing to do somewhere?"

"I suspect I could do some heroing right here," Íþrótt said dryly. He closed the door and strode across the room to sit at the end of the bed. Carefully, he settled Glanni's feet into his lap and began unlacing his boots. 

"You were gone for three days." 

"Was I?" Glanni asked idly. He stretched out one bootless foot with a sigh as Íþrótt went to work on the second.

"Three. Days. I spent three days wondering where you were and then, lo and behold, I get a letter from my cousin telling me that a certain someone is visiting his town, causing trouble." 

Large, strong hands began to rub his feet and Glanni groaned as his thumbs dug into the arch. 

"I wasn't causing trouble," Glanni protested. Íþrótt's doubtful look made him grin. "And if you don't want me doing things, you shouldn't leave your letters out where I can read them."

"You mean, put away? In a knapsack, in a locked box, on my balloon?"

"Like I said, don't leave them where I can read them." He stretched languidly, "Besides, your cousin should be thanking me for whatever trouble he thinks I caused. I did him a favor."

"I've seen your favors," Íþrótt sighed. "Please tell me the town is still standing?"

"I'd be insulted, but I've seen my favors as well," Glanni yawned. "I'll tell you about it later, I've been sleeping in a chair for three days."

"Why were you sleeping in a chair?"

"Ugh, you don't want to know. You think I'm peculiar, you've never met my cousin," Glanni gave Íþrótt a thoughtful look, "You really don't think I went to help?"

"Glanni, you are many things. Selfish, spoiled, problematic, and occasionally dangerous. I wouldn't categorize you as helpful."

"Flatterer," Glanni blew him a kiss.

"That being said, you are also mine, and I dare anyone else to say that."

"Possessive, too," Glanni yawned widely, showing his teeth like a cat, "Which reminds me, I should probably tell you that I kissed your cousin." The hands on his feet went still and Glanni cracked open an eye. "Íþrótt?"

Silence. Glanni opened the other eye, taking in his lover's stillness. "Íþrótt? You're not planning a murder or anything, are you? Because it wasn't his fault and we both know you aren't going to murder me. Maim, perhaps—"

Slowly, the hands resumed their kneading and Glanni eased back down. "How was he?"

"Hmm?" Glanni murmured. 

"Sportacus. How was he?"

Glanni clucked his tongue in dismay, "Asking me to kiss and tell, not very heroic. He was terrible; it was like kissing a cardboard cutout. I probably have paper cuts on my tongue."

"I hope he does better for your cousin." He sounded amused and Glanni relaxed back down.

"So you admit it, you think I must have helped."

"In your own...ah…charming way, I am sure you did," Íþrótt said delicately.

"If he hurts my Robbie, I'm going to gut him," Glanni told him happily. "You should know that I'm already planning that murder. I do know the best places to hide a body."

"Please don't. It would make holiday dinners so much more awkward."

"Only the very best places to hide pieces of the body, my heart."

"Now that is lie," Íþrótt set his feet aside, crawling up the bed to nuzzle his ear softly. "We both know you don't have a heart."

"I'm such a bad influence," Glanni told him sleepily. "You never used to be such a liar."

"Go to sleep, love."

Glanni sighed, curling up against the warmth of Íþrótt's chest and did.

Dealing with family was so exhausting. 

-finis


End file.
